Truth: I don't know what I am doing with my life.
So here I am, 25 years old. I have a small business, I have three degrees, and I have no idea what I am doing with my life.
I have always pushed myself harder than most, and I have always aspired to do more and to be more. When I was younger, I was very ambitious, and that attitude carried into my adult years. Part of this relentless need to be successful or to "find my way" as they say, has led me to question so many things that probably should not have been my concern at the time. When most people are thinking of parties and boys, I was thinking about retirement and how much money I could accumulate in my savings account. Wise beyond my years? More like, slow the heck down kid and enjoy life a little. 🙈
As I get older, the funniest thing for me to wrap my head around lately is the fact that people consider me a "baby." Yes, I have been called a baby at least three times this month and I am not quite sure how to react. Thank you, I think. 👶🏻
I guess what these individuals were trying to say is that I am still young and have so much life to live...blah blah blah. I get it. I'm young to you. To me, I'm late. Late to what, I don't even know.
Should I have kids by now? Should I be married? Am I doing something wrong?
These are the questions that I constantly ask myself as I get older. I get closer and closer to this magic number 30 that people are always in an uproar about, and wonder if I am supposed to be in a certain place at a certain time. People certainly make you feel like you should be.
How come you aren't dating someone?
Do you want to get married?
You might just have to be a stepmom. (Not that there is anything wrong with being a stepparent, but they say it like there is.) - Read that on the Internet the other day. Note to self: Must spend more time away from the computer.
Why are people so nosy? Why are people so rude?
I don't think it's anyone's business what my uterus is doing, or why my ring finger is empty, but it does weigh on your mind when you are a bit of an overthinker like myself.
In terms of career, I am still navigating this whole small business thing and wondering how this is going to work out. Am I going to be able to make this work for the long haul? What else can I do to contribute to my success? Am I doing enough? Honestly, I'm not sure. Right now, I take it day by day and that seems to be working.
One thing I am severely lacking in is PATIENCE. Yes capital letters were absolutely necessary. I cannot wait to find out where life is going to take me, and what I am going to do, and who I am going to meet. The truth is you never really know. You don't know if you are going to be with the person you are with now, forever. You don't know if you are going to get married, or get divorced, or have children. You don't know if your career is going to fail and you will have to start over.
Last night in the shower I was thinking about all of these things, and I started to get a little bit overwhelmed.
So, I started praying. I started asking for advice, and clarity, and most of all, patience.
You know what happened next?
This forceful thought popped into my head and it said "God gives you what you can handle when you are ready. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Trust the journey."
An extremely comforting feeling came over me, and I knew that things would be alright. I knew whatever happened would happen. I knew that I only had control over so much, but there is a plan that is much bigger than me. I have to trust in something more, in something greater, and in the fact that the things that I want will come to me when I am ready.
You may want certain things now, you may think you are ready, but you must also understand that you could be wrong. We have to exercise patience in most things, and accept that time is a valuable thing that should not be wasted. I don't want to look back on my life and realize I wasted time wondering about the unknown, rather than living in the now.
Honestly, I don't know what I am doing with my life, and it is kind of a wonderful and magical thing. Who cares what everyone else thinks? Who cares what everyone else does? That is their journey, not mine. My journey will be exactly for me, and will play out exactly how it should.
Trust the journey, enjoy the ride. 💕