The best friend you never asked for.
To some, anxiety is a made up condition that's all in your head. To others, it is a feeling that can manifest itself mentally and physically and destroy precious moments in your life. Anxiety takes away your control, challenges your happiness, and overwhelms your thoughts. I had an anxiety attack a few days ago and I am not even sure what caused it. I had just gotten home from a mini vacation and was on the way to pick up my dogs from the vet. Funny thing is, is that life is good. Things are good, I'm good, I'm happy. So why the anxiety? Nobody really knows when it will hit them or why. Of course it can be brought on by things that you do comprehend. Things such as public speaking, meeting new people, and simply leaving the house. Different people face anxiety for different reasons. For me, I am an over-thinker. I analyze situations in depth and run through various scenarios ( many of which can be negative) and come out on the other side with uncertainty and often times fear. That morning, I began to feel a little off. I couldn't think straight, I was nervous for no particular reason, and I found myself trying to catch my breath. I walked into the kitchen and leaned against the wall, silently watching while my family swirled around me making breakfast. I wasn't hungry. Anxiety does that to me. When I am anxious, I don't eat.
The rest of the morning was a blur. We picked up our dogs. ( Typically quite the scene, but still not the cause of my anxiousness that morning.) On the drive home, I watched the rain drip down the side window while my dog's slobber dripped down the side of my jacket. He has anxiety also. He won't sit for more than 2 seconds and has to be all up in your face any time he has to ride in the car. Poor Max. LOL
Drop the dogs off and now it's time to hit the gym. It's full blown now. I'm trying to stay calm, breathe, talk myself through it, which is something that is more easily done now that I am older. Before, it was all tears all the time until I cried myself all out of energy to do anything else but sleep. These days, I handle my anxiety much better. I told myself that the gym was going to be my safe place. Upon arrival, I jumped right in. Hit the treadmill for a warmup, ran to the weights to squat out my frustrations, grabbed some dumbbells to push away the fear, and attacked various other machines to release negativity and tension. I felt great. There was no time to worry about my next post, what groceries I needed to pickup, or the text message responses that I was so impatiently waiting for. Today, I had won.
Anxiety is powerful. The rapid heart rate, sweaty palms, cloudy thoughts. It is not always easily cast away. It can linger for hours, or even days, weeks at a time. It's always in the background reminding you why you can't do something, why you aren't good enough, and why you should focus on all things negative until you find yourself screaming at the top of your lungs to your favorite music, with the windows down, not caring what a single soul thinks about your tone deaf interpretations. That actually helps a lot!
Minding my business.
As far as business, anxiety can make you feel like you aren't good enough, and like you are stuck. Some days I lack inspiration and my overactive brain fights with my creativity to challenge my decisions. It can be difficult to finalize a project or be satisfied with an outcome, because I tell myself that it can be better and that someone else has done it better. Anxiety can be a constant hindrance, and it never really goes away. What does change is how you deal with it. Long drives with the windows down and the cool breeze in your hair, random road trips to gorgeous places, and even a bubble bath can help counteract the draining affects of anxiety.
Anxiety does not always have to be such a downer. I have found that sometimes the desire to do better and to be better pushes me to some amazing places just slightly outside of my comfort zone. Sometimes it works for me. They say that you should try to find the positive in everything, and this is the positive for me. Sometimes anxiety works against me, but sometimes it can force me to do incredible and positive things just on the other side of fear.
I have anxiety.
I have anxiety most days. I live with anxiety. I'm still a good person, and I am overall a happy person. I work hard, I am passionate about what I do, and I put forth a lot of effort to accomplish my tasks. I am different than others because sometimes I have a few more minor setbacks to face when completing my work and every day tasks. At the same time, I am just like you. We are all passionate about what we do, we all face doubts, and we all face challenges. At the end of the day, anxiety is not a disease, you can't catch it, and it doesn't make you any less of a person than the next guy or girl. It is simply something that I have, and I can thank my overactive imagination and intelligent brain (according to Google LOL). If you or someone you know has anxiety, I hope that this can help you better understand what they are going through, or recognize that you are not alone. Anxiety is the best friend you never asked for, but when it comes time, you can tell her to take a seat.
Subscribe to the blog for more inside looks at Jessica Isabel outside of the box.