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  • Jessica Isabel

I am an overthinker.


Dear diary,

My mind runs a thousand miles a minute, all hours of the day. From the first moment I wake up, to the last seconds before I fall asleep, and within every moment and during every conversation in between, my thoughts are running wild. I am here, but my mind is elsewhere. I promise I am not the type to ignore someone. I promise that although my resting bi*** face states otherwise, I am not a mean person. I promise that when I forget something that was said a mere thirty seconds ago, that it was not intentional. I promise that when you look at me and my eyes don't convey my message, that I am not lying. These promises that I make are proof that I am genuine, and that I am the person that my family and friends love and care about and respect. These promises also prove that I am an overthinker.


Getting lost in my thoughts can be a good thing at times. I can dig deeper than most to consider the outcome of a situation. I can feel many emotions all at once and display a rare side of myself to someone at an unexpected moment. I believe it is quite a treasure to be an overthinker. I am constantly wondering as my mind is wandering. I ask many questions and wish to understand many answers. I want to not only know how, but why, and who, and what. I find myself considering multiple outcomes of my actions before making one single step. I carefully consider the words that escape from my mouth ,and work to understand the results before the conversation is finished. ( I also think about random things like bananas, and oh look, there is a dog over there.) Like many others, I am also that person to consider an entire conversation in the shower before it is even had. The shower is the best place to get some really good thinking in! haha

Overthinking also has some good and bad qualities for my business. I like to be able let my creativity run wild, and that it will. When I sit down to plan my next post, what photo I am going to take, or my next gift box design, I have a million ideas running through my head. If I can narrow it down, I can outline it on paper and begin to limit it to a final product. It is amazing how much goes on before I settle on something. So many questions...so many ideas...so many potential outcomes.

Who will see it? Will they like it? Is this the right color? Is that the right font? Did I spell that right?

Mid-day mind wandering

Mid day thoughts are the most interesting. As the day is winding down I begin to consider all that I got done and all that is left to be finished. I make lists constantly so that I can check off my tasks and ensure that things were completed in a timely manner. ( Well, I can try, but life knows that this does not always work out exactly as planned. LOL) I am not only an overthinker, but I am a planner. I like to make sure that I schedule my tasks and plan my projects ahead of time so that I can save myself stress later. It is true that it doesn't quite work out often, because every day is a new challenge and you never know what you will face unexpectedly. It is not always a negative thing either, sometimes amazing and unexpected things happen when your schedule is ruined and nothing goes to plan. Often, those are your best days and most exciting nights. :)


Falling asleep

Ahh one of life's greatest challenges for an overthinker. When the day is done, and everyone else is winding down, my brain is just getting started. Lying in bed I am thinking of all of the things that I did today, the conversations I had, the Instagram posts I saw, the ridiculous stories on the news, how my dog spilled his water bowl in the kitchen again, how I reached a new goal at the gym this morning, how the salsa tasted different at dinner...but wait...there's tomorrow. Tomorrow I have to be up at 8, but I will rise bright and early at 6:30 or 7. I will get up and edit a blog, post to my social media, check my lists, make breakfast, take a shower, brush my teeth, pick out my outfit, fill my water, head to the gym...

Me: I must go to sleep!

Brain: But what about your doctor's appointment three weeks from now? Did you put the leftovers away? I have to pee.

Being an overthinker is not always positive and intuitive. Some days it's a struggle. Some days it is extremely lonely, exhausting, and sad. Mainly, this is because of the way in which I process the world around me by creating scenarios that are not real. These scenarios play out in my relationships, with my business, and within many other personal and professional aspects of my life. These scenarios stem from very real emotions, fantastic fears, and ridiculous insecurities. People may want to understand and may want to help the thought processes, but the truth is that nobody else can quite understand the invasiveness unless they experience it for themselves.


On the bright side, overthinking has made me a great multitasker, and although my mind can be a bit disheveled at times, I am a pretty organized person. I appreciate my overthinking ways when I come up with fun new ideas to use for my business, I appreciate it when I am able to help a friend out of a tough situation with some thoughtful advice, and I appreciate it when I am feeling bad and work hard to remember all of the positive things in my life. ( My brain and I can come up with a lot together! :D) Overthinking is just like anxiety, it is not a curse, it is not a disease, but it is something that I deal with every day. My dad likes to say it is because I am intelligent. I appreciate this perspective, and feel that although most days I find it hard to deal with constant thoughts, I do enjoy being able to process so much, and to give that much more of myself to my projects, my relationships, and all of the things that I am passionate about in my life.

P.S. My favorite quote to live by when my mind overwhelms my thoughts is this:

"Everything happens for a reason."

No matter what you are dealing with, no matter how much you try to control a situation, you simply must accept that what's meant to be, will be.

Jess

#deardiary #overthinking #life #personal

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