Craving more genuine connections.
How many of us have experienced: Left on read. Hit you up because I’m bored. Oops I forgot to respond...for a week. U up?
Sorry I was busy.
What is a friend? It is a single soul dwelling in two bodies." -Aristotle
Recently read the tragic story of a man who committed suicide because he asked for help and nobody was there to support him. His friend was busy, and by the time he got there, it was too late. Coincidentally, I wrote this post the other day when I felt like some of my relationships might be more draining than supportive.
Hey 2018 thanks for single-handedly ruining my idea of love and friendships. Just kidding. That happened way before you traipsed your way in here and brought us more dating apps and friend finder apps. Guess we can also thank social media while we're at it. This is not a somber post I swear! LOL It's just a little reality check for all of us. So keep reading if you think you need one, and keep reading even if you think you don't.
These new experiences we like to call "dating" and "friendships" today are nothing short of frustrating, confusing, and time consuming. Even so, they do serve a purpose in our lives. They teach us that not everything lasts forever. They teach us that a lot of relationships today are temporary, and you must be cautious with your heart because you never know what you’re getting. Genuine or temporary. People come in and out of our lives for different reasons. We need them. We need them for lessons. We need them for fleeting moments in time. We need them for crazy passionate love, and to feel a little reckless on occasion. We need human interaction and someone to sit across from us so we don’t feel so alone. We need them for late night cuddles and early morning texts. We need them for passionate hellos and confusing goodbyes. We need them for the here and now.
But do we really need them? Maybe not. Maybe we just want them. But hey, like to admit it or not, that’s being human.
We crave attention, affection, and love. When we cannot find it, we settle for fleeting, fun, and reckless. Sound romantic? It’s not. Why?
Because none of it lasts forever. It’s all a whirlwind that knocks us off our feet, allows us to float for a while in a state of naive bliss, and then not so gently drops us right on our ass. Welcome to modern relationships.
I’m not just talking about love either. Friendships that were once a treasured entity, are now a mockery. We use people and people use us. For the false sense of closeness. For the Friday night drink at the bar. For the ride home after work. For the occasional hookup. For the “Im bored and everyone else was busy.” For the weekly gossip. For the social status. For the perks. The list goes on.
These so called “friends” are not there when we need them most, but only when we need a drinking buddy or wingman. Where are these people when you are sad? Where are they when you feel alone? Where are they when you need a hand, a hug, or a pat on the back? More often than not, they are busy, they made other plans, or they simply won’t answer the phone. If they are real though, they will be there. To hold you, hug you, cry with you, high five you, congratulate you, and share all of the experiences of this crazy life beside you. You know who your real friends are, and who only appear to be. (Usually) My dad told me one thing that has stuck with me my whole life about friends. He said at the end of your life, you’ll be able to count your friends on one hand, and still have fingers left over. It’s true. Think about it. We have lots of acquaintances, but how many people will brave the storm with you, fight for you, love you, cherish you, accept you, embrace you, and stick up for you? How many can you think of? If you think you can count more than five, than you are extremely blessed and do not ever let those people go. If you cannot, than take a look at the people that you do have and do not take them for granted. Ever.
At the beginning of this year, I told myself that it was going to be my year. My year to find love, to chase my dreams harder than ever, and to surround myself with genuine people. So far, I have stumbled a few times, but I am still learning how to find my way toward and away from those who make me feel worth it, and those who make me feel worthless. I have already let go of a few people who do not bring positivity into my life, and I am sure by the years end that there will be a few more. That's life. While I'm searching for those who will stand by me, I am still experiencing relationships with those who occasionally will stand in front of me. That's ok. Life is about lessons, learning, and taking risks. You never know who you will meet, how much they will mean to you, and how much you will mean to them. After all, friendships and love are not only about what someone else can do for you, but also what you can do for them. Be there for others, support them, care about them, give them advice when they need it, a hug even when they don't want it ( they usually need it even if they don't want it), and congratulate them when they accomplish their goals. Let someone know you are interested in their hopes and dreams, their future, and their passions. You want that from others don't you? You may not always win, but more often than not you attract what you put out. You get what you give. Get the idea? Treat others how you want to be treated. Be a friend. Be a support system. Be present. Be there, but don't forget about yourself in the process. Give your love, but remember to save some for you also. Only give your heart to those who share theirs. Embrace genuine connections because we all need them. Let go of temporary connections when they no longer serve you as they once did at a certain point in your life. Yes, sometimes we need them, but at a certain point we must learn to let go.
SO 2018, thank you for allowing me to keep learning and growing, and finding the people who will support and grow with me. This is going to be my year. It's already been filled with love, lessons, friendship, and big dreams coming true.
Always remember, even if you are not surrounded by good people, you can always be a good person. Shine a light so bright that others are genuinely interested in you for who you are and what you represent. You can attract the people who share the same ideas about love, loyalty, respect, and honesty as you, but unfortunately, you will still attract the ones who will only be there when the sun goes down or when they don't have other plans. Learn from them, then let them go.
Was driving along the coast yesterday and witnessed an older gentleman on his bike just riding along. A car full of teenage boys pulled up next to him and stole the backpack from a compartment on the side of his bike. My dad and I were right behind them and witnessed the whole thing. We followed them down the busy road for a few minutes before they threw the backpack out of their car window and recklessly drove off. We pulled over, I jumped out grabbed the backpack and got back in the car. Back tracked to find the man and returned his bag to him. It was only a backpack full of old towels and some snacks, but the man was grateful, and told us that he was glad good people still exist in this often cruel world. We chose to help him out after he had been violated in that terrible way, and it felt good to know that we might have helped to lessen the stress of that awful experience for a perfect stranger.
It doesn't take much to be a good person. Respect others, love others, treat others how you want to be treated. It doesn't take a big show to do right and show that you care.