A letter to...the person who makes me feel lonely.
Dear loved one,
It's difficult when a person that you care so deeply for has the ability to make you feel so low. I know that you had a difficult childhood and you often don't know what to do and say, but when you shut me out, it makes me feel awful. I take the time to listen to you, to love you, to be there for you, to support you, guide you, help you, and do so many things, and all I ask is that you listen. I ask that you listen when I need advice, even if you don't know what to say, just listen. I ask that you listen when I have good news to share. I ask that you listen when I'm having a bad day and just need to vent, as I have done so many times for you. I ask that you take the time to ask how I'm doing because I know that I have always been there for you.
But you don't.
You say you can't, but I know that you choose to spend your energy in other places. You know more about those around you than those right in front of you. You never ask. You never listen. You act like you don't care even when you say you do.
Do you not understand how you make me feel? I have told you numerous times. I have cried to you, begged you, and screamed to you just to listen. It never makes a difference. Maybe because I continue to support you even when you do not do the same for me. A fault of mine I guess. I always care more than others. I always give more than others. I give myself to the point of exhaustion, frustration, and anxiety, and yet, all I ask in return is for someone to listen, every once in a while. I wish it was you. I trust you. I share secrets with you. I am vulnerable with you. Maybe that is why it hurts me so much that you can't do the same for me.
I don't think that you are a bad person for choosing to ignore me or not share in my accomplishments. I know you are busy. I know you have a lot going on in your own mind. I know that you love me even when you do not show it in traditional ways. I get that.
I just wish that you put in more effort to fix the relationship that has seen more bad than good times, I wish that you could see the pain that you have caused, but maybe you can't because I've become so good at hiding it. My mistake. I'm sure that you are not unaware, but it is not a priority and I guess that is something we will have to continue to work on.
I'll be here. I'll be waiting for the day that you look back and regret not giving me more of your attention. Not because I want you to feel pain, but because I want you to realize that you should have given more to those that love you no matter what. You have your space to figure things out for now and I hope in the end that you come to the right conclusion and just learn to listen. That's all. Just listen to me please. Maybe then I won't feel so lonely when you're right in front of me.