A letter to...the one who I could have loved.
Dear almost lover,
I still think about you from time to time. I wonder what we could have been. I wonder how our relationship would have formed. What bothers me the most is that my feelings never changed, but our circumstances would not allow us to be together. When I first met you, I appreciated how bold you were, how forward you were about your feelings for me, and how you jumped in head first. I wasn't like that after all that I've been through. You said you were different. I believed you. I think back now and realize that you were just too young. It wasn't the right time, but I think about if I had met you five years from now how different things would be. There was and still is something different about you. I liked how interesting you were. You were unique. You had different interests. You were adventurous and open. You weren't afraid to say what was on your mind.
You were also immature, which created an issue. That was beginning of the end, I guess.
You couldn't make the time for me. You couldn't dedicate. The distance didn't help much. I tried to make it work, but holding on and waiting hurt worse than letting go. It wasn't a terrible pain, not a real breakup, but it still bothered me for some time. I wanted to hear your voice, I wanted talk to you about nothing, I wanted to ask you about your day. I missed your good morning texts and you falling asleep first while chatting at night. I wanted you to be mine, and you said you wanted me to be yours. Maybe in a different lifetime. Maybe one day.
For now, I want you to know that I'm not mad at you. I never was. I was disappointed for sure. You hated that I know. You said disappointed was worse than mad. I guess you were right.
Whatever you're up to now, I hope that you're happy. I hope that our brief fling was not enough to disrupt your happiness, and hopefully taught you the same lesson it taught me. No matter how much you want something to work, sometimes it just isn't meant to be. Timing is everything. I admire your thirst for adventure and the exciting way you live your life, and I hope to take a little bit away from that and start living my own in a bigger way. Thank you for being so nice to me. Thank you for asking important questions and making me feel special for a brief time. Thank you for the excitement, and thank you for leaving me with good memories, despite not being able to make more.
Keep on being you, because you're pretty awesome.