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  • Jessica Isabel

A letter to...the one who challenges my sanity.


Dear asshole ( I mean in that in the most loving way possible) ,

Boy oh boy. Where do I start? With a history like ours, it's hard to tell. I'll start off by saying this. I care deeply for you, I do have a lot of love for you, but damn sometimes, I want to strangle you. A relationship like ours is of the most complicated kind. Nobody really knows what it is, what it means, or when it will end. If it will end. Do we want it to end? Sometimes. Sometimes I feel like we don't know what we want. I feel like we have always been drawn to each other and it has been out of our control. That's what makes this difficult. I don't want to lose you, and I don't know if I could. I don't know if I could ever totally erase you from my mind. I don't know if I could forget about all of our memories, even the ones where I wanted to delete you completely. Even when I block you from my life, you still always manage to work your way back in. Not because you force me to jump headfirst into this relationship again, but because I miss you, asshole. You're always there. It seems like you've always been there, and yes, there is a part of me that always wants you to be there. I guess that's what relationships are. They are filled with love, frustration, pain, complication, and some days utter disbelief that this one person can drive you so insane. Don't deny it.

I know you say you care about me the same way I care about you, but on some days it seems a little one-sided. I know you say no, but I have told you how it makes me feel. You know. You say you understand. You listen, but do you hear me? Some days, I don't know.

I do think we are in each others lives for a reason. I don't know why, and sometimes when I'm cursing your name I wonder why I still put up with your crap. Probably because I hope that someday you'll grow up and take our relationship more seriously. I think that's what I do. I see the potential in people. I see the potential in you. I know you could be great. I know you could be successful. I know you could be the great person I see you becoming.

Right now, you suck.

I say that with the utmost love and respect. You suck. You're an asshole. You know this, most of the time.

See the thing is though, you're my favorite asshole. You get me. On good days and bad. You are there when I need advice. You make me laugh, you get my stupid jokes, you let me be me. Even when I'm an asshole. ( Which we both know I can be) So I guess that's why this works. We can be ourselves, we love each other, we probably always will, and we have an understanding. Some days the lines may be blurry, sometimes we fight, we won't talk for a while, but we always come back.

Now hear me out. Right now, I don't know what you're going through. Might be something, might be nothing, but you're at a crossroads. You're facing a tough age and you have the support around you that you need even if it doesn't always seem like it. Remember that. Use it if you need it. I'm here and everyone else is too, I hope you know that.

Please don't stop being you, because even on days when I don't want you around, I need you around.

I love you...

Asshole

Always,

Jess


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