A letter to...the one that showed me great love and great pain.
Dear tortured soul,
Sometimes the people you love the most, hurt you the most. I know you loved me more than anything, and I know you showed your love in unconventional ways, which was all you knew. I loved you for it anyways. I was so young when you were the most you. I regret you not getting the opportunity to know me more when I became the most me. I wish you could have been here to see me do big things that I know you would have encouraged 100 percent. You were there, supportive, and giving, even when it was difficult. Your life wasn't always easy, I know that. I know you worked with the emotional tools you were given, and sometimes you came up short. I don't blame you for that. I know you held a lot of pain deep in your heart. I know you did your best to hide that. Thank you for loving me often more than you loved yourself. I know I changed your life, as you did mine. I am forever grateful for the time we had together. I cherish the memories and moments that greatly influenced who I am today. Without you, I wouldn't be a lot of what I am today. I wouldn't have the passion that influenced my business and for that I could not be prouder.
I know in the end you did what you had to do. You were sick. You knew it. You didn't want to show it. You always knew how to hide pain well. I wish I could have done more, but I was so young. I tried to help as much as I could and that backfired in some ways. We fought. Things changed. Our relationship crumbled. Even so, my love never died. I know yours didn't either.
After you died and we visited your home to organize your belongings, is when I knew. I knew how much you struggled. I knew how much you cared. I knew how much you loved me. Even when you let me go. You sacrificed to save me right until the end. You didn't want me to see you that way. You didn't want me to see you sick. For that, I hurt, but I am also thankful. I still have our good memories. I still remember you beautiful, full of life, fun, and strong. Even as I write this with tears streaming down my face, I smile. I smile because I miss you. I smile because I have so much to miss. I smile because of who you were and who I am because of that. I smile because even though you're not here, you are not far. You are present in my attitude, in my mannerisms, in my business, in my creativity, and in my thoughts, always. I love you so much. I miss you every day. I know that you are safe now. I know that you are happy. I know that you are proud.
I'll be seeing you again someday. Have a crossword puzzle waiting for me will ya?